Introducing Morag

Here's a picture of my friend Morag.

Unfortunately she has almost zero self-confidence - I think being so hairy has left her emotionally scarred for life - and she also gets into a panic every time she hears meat mentioned, so please be kind with her. And, please, just to make sure you remember, NEVER talk about meat when she is around. Ok, I'm going to try to encourage her to say a few words.

“Morag, the readers would like to hear from you.”

“Och, I doon’t know what to say! I doon’t want everyone laughing at me.”

“But that’s the whole point of this blog.”

“Ach, I’m too shy. I’ve got nothing to say.”

“Oh come on, don’t be a chicken.”

“Aaaaaargh! Don't mention meat, I cannae cope!”

“Ah sorry, I forgot, I won’t mention meat again, I promise. You must have something to tell the readers, what about the cow facts you just learnt?”

“Och aye, I suppose. I read that a cow stands up and sits down about fourteen times a day. So I counted this yesterday, and I found out that I only did it twelve times! There must be something wrong with me! I hope it isn’t some terrible disease.”

“Don't be silly, there's no need to worry. So do you have any more facts? After all, knowledge is power, in the words of Francis Bacon.” 

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! I told you not to talk about meat! You’re doing it on purpose.”

“Oops, sorry again, honestly I didn’t mean it, it was a slip of the tongue. So are you going to give us another fact?"

“I’m not sure, I don’t think the readers will be interested.”

“Of course they will, but you’d better hurry as I have to get going. So come on Morag, chop-chop.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! You are EVIL! I cannae take any more. One more mention of meat and I swear I'll pass out in sheer terror. I have one more fact then I’m gonnae get going.”

“Ok good, so what is it?”

“In 2009, a cow knocked a woman off her bike and stepped on her legs in Colorado. The woman was not seriously injured, though. The incident was reported as a ‘cow engaging in people-tipping.’”

“Ha, very good. See, that wasn't too hard, was it, Morag? Well done.”

(THUD!)

Ah, damn. That noise was a terrified Morag passing out unconscious when I said "well done". Sometimes not mentioning meat is harder than you think.