Unbelievable! Two posts in one day!

Well, I’ve already exceeded all expectations by writing a second post. Now it is time for some interesting cow facts. We really are wonderful creatures.

First of all, did you know cows can’t vomit? I did my own research here by drinking 20 pints of cheap English beer and then listening to an entire Phil Collins album, but even that didn’t make me sick.

Also, a cow weighs over 600 kilos, which is around ten times what the average human weighs (or about half of what the average American weighs). But you humans get to eat us? We need to sort out this relationship immediately.

Apparently the oldest cow ever (excluding Margaret Thatcher) was a Dremon cow named Big Bertha, who died just 3 months short of her 49th birthday on New Year’s Eve, 1993. What a party that was! Bertha’s New Year’s Eve hedonist extravaganzas were legendary, I tell you. She sure knew how to throw a party. That’s probably why her nickname was Keith Moo. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her drive that tractor into a swimming pool.

Another fact - the highest lifetime production of milk for a single cow is 465,224 lbs by the cow named Number 289. Number 289? No wonder she was single with a name like that.

The smallest type of cow is a breed called Dexter. They were bred a small size for household living, and of course are all serial killers.

Dairy cows can produce 125 pounds of saliva a day. That’s pounds as in weight, not the British currency, obviously. Saliva, much to our great misfortune, is not a substance of high value. Or maybe it is. That would explain why professional footballers get paid so much.

Cows are able to hear lower and higher frequencies better than humans. Which probably explains why cows are such big fans of the Bee Gees and Barry White.

Cows have almost total 360 degree panoramic vision, which is very practical if we want to see all the exciting things happening around us – like cows lying down, cows chewing cud, and cows lying down and chewing cud.

So that’s it for today’s facts, now it’s time for Question of the Day

If you only have two bullets to use on Vladimir Putin, Robert Mugabe or Phil Collins, what would you do with the bullets? The obvious answer is of course to use them both on Phil Collins, just to make sure he’s dead. But apparently there are some people who – inexplicably – consider Putin’s modern brand of Stalinism and murder of journalists, or Mugabe’s deliberate starvation of his people, to be crimes even more despicable than Another Day in Paradise. So what do you think?